Film Review:" Black Phone"

Eager to check out this movie due to the fact it is an adaptation of a Joe Hill story, I confident the writing would be solid. Granted this is the one book of his i have not read. Little did I know it would serve to use the same themes as found in his other book "NO4A2". As a parent the thought of kidnapped kids is pretty horrific, but a plot all too similar to "N0S4A2". Granted no vampires in Christmas land. Instead, we get a Stephen King like kids in peril thriller from him.  Was the movie well made? Yes, though it was cashing in on the formula already used by "Stranger Things" to some extent. Both are influenced by Stephen King, so there is that. 

The kids acting might have been the best part of the movie as most the adults felt like they were overacting.  In many ways there was elements of this movie that reminded me of "the Lovely Bones". Some of these were in the plot points. The tone of the film stylistically was also similar though, this movie was not as visually interesting as the Lovely Bones. Sure, there is the ghosts giving him at advice, which is a pretty common horror trope.  Ethan Hawke being the exception when it comes to the adult actors in this movie, as he is certainly creepy enough to get the job done, though until Moonknight not someone you would think of in that light. 

This felt like a straight to streaming release, though I know it did receive a theatrical run. I would have been pissed if I paid to see this move. Watching it at my leisure in the comfort of my phone makes the more mediocre elements seem ok, because Not having to go to the extra work of leaving the house, seems to begin a trend of lowering our expectations to what we might expect from television budget. This is hurting theaters as if you go into a movie not expecting a bigger spectacle than what you get from American Horror Story on the small screen then what added incentive does the theater experience have ? No that this film is at fault but a part of a bigger problem.

Film Review: " Prey"

Fandom is a funny thing. It can cause us to accept things from a perspective of what we hope to see filtered through the lens of nostalgia. While I have enjoyed the previous films in the Predator franchise, I would not say I am a fan but have an appreciation for it thus making me less invested in this prequel. Thus, allowing me to be objective in my expectations. When going into a sci-fi or fantasy film there is a suspension of disbelief we agree to. Great writing understands suspension of disbelief works best when all fantastical elements work within the rules of the world we have created. If you are a great writer, you can work within that framework. There is less to suspend as you have agreed, "Ok, this is Captain America, so I can expect his super serum to allow him to do things that someone who is able to lift close to a ton can do. If he picks up a tank, that is asking too much of me as a viewer, since he is not the Thing or the Hulk.

This can be applied to a Native girl in here 20s as you set these expectations but showing me in the beginning of a film what here strengths and weaknesses are. No super serums or shamanic magic, just a girl who is trying to be a better a better hunter than she is. She is driven to compete with people like her brother, who proves if push comes to shove, they can take her in a fight or at best she might struggle to best them, they are pretty scrawny model looking guys, so this is believable. After all they are pretty evenly matched, when her determination is factored in.  Then we get to a predator, who is able to not only kill her peers with ease but lift a half ton bear over its head and move with superhuman speed. It is a warrior designed to hunt and kill. With that kind of strength, if it were to choke slam a 120 lb. girl, no matter how fit or determined she was, her spine would snap. The basis of the movie is it is an underdog with an actual dog, going up against a predator. The encounters span perhaps three days at most. Not a great deal of prep time or training oneself, you are working with wherever you are at which is closer to the bottom of the tribe's totem pole when it comes to hunters. Not rained enough to hit or evade something that moves at superhuman speed. While we are at it a woman fighting without doing a flying head scissors would be a wonderful trend to start as that has worn thin.

 The Predator's slaughtering of Indians and trappers is fun to watch and brought to screen masterfully there would have been many smarter ways to write it from there. The movie's strength was the leading lady. I am a fan of Amber Midthunder's work in both "Legion" and "Banshee". I think she did a great job here with what she had to work with. The film looks good, the CGI on point for the budget they had to work with, not perfect but impressive at times. If it leaned into being a horror movie more than the Clan of the Cave Bear feel the movie plodding into when violence was not exploding on screen, it might have felt better. More often than not I was entertained, but the inconsistencies with the suspension of disbelief, to measure up with the mythos they have created was a tough one to sit through, I think a grading system for me to use when it comes to movies, I see outside of a theater is how long did it take for me to watch. One that really captivates me i can watch in one sitting, this one took six days. 

Film Review : "Nope"

 

 The title to this film refers to the answer writer, director and producer Jodan Peele was planning on giving when someone asked if his next movie was going to be a horror movie…. Nope! . So far all of his movies have felt like re-makes of other movies. This one is basically “Cowboys vs Aliens”. However, Peel must have really been inspired during recess in elementary school when during recess, his class played the game where every kid grabbed a parachute then collectively throws it in the air, before running under it to envelope you. The most creative thing about this film aside from some of the marijuana induced pondering, was how the footage was edited for the trailer to make this look like something it is not. The rest is Peele marketing a brand to fans eager to ride a bandwagon, wanting the idea of his films to be more than they really are.  

When reviewing music, a common theme I find are musicians trying to make a song out of a few cool ideas, rather than writing it in a way that allows for the arrangement to be a seamless flow. The same can be said for Peele’s attempts at storytelling with this movie. At best it followed the plot line of an episode of Scooby Doo, where the third act turns to “Ok guys, let's make a trap for this monster”.  To get there we have a reference to the song “Flying Purple Eater '' and a scene where it rains blood, which was one of the movie's highlights. The climax of the film where they were trying to lay the Scooby trap was very boring. I kept thing, when the fuck is this movie just going to be over. With that said this is people's best film, but the bar could not have been any lower. 

Yes, the killer chimp was a cool part but aside from the moral of never look an animal in the eye, as you never know when they might snap it did not add much to the story itself. Not the only plot point that was not developed much but one of the most glaring. I did like how it gave winks to popular UFO lore, and normally like movies that focus on close encounters, this just did so in a manner that might have brought new things to the table, but not in the most effective manner, this forced the movie to rely on humor. In order to be scary a darker overall tone might have worked better.  If you're a fan of his other work, I think what this does is come at things from a different angle than his other films.  But did we need a black version of close encounters of the third kind?  The answer is “Nope”. [Perhaps there is a better version of this film that got left on the cutting room floor.  It starts off entertaining, and then things fall apart, the longer the film lasts. Not that I expected much from this film, and it is unlikely fans of Peele’s work are going to be able to step away from the hype and watch this in the more objective manner it needs to be seen in.  

Film Review: "Crimes of the Future"

 David Cronenberg has always skirted the edges of horror, only committing to it as a genre a handful of times with "Deadzone" , "the Fly" , "Rabid", " the Brood" and "Scanners". This is more dark sci-fi with an interesting commentary on art, celebrity and fetishes. In many ways making this like "Crash".  The tone of the movie is very film noir. A detective has a man on the inside of the underground surgery scene. Self-mutilation with a di-mechanical twist. The gore is nothing like the hype it was given by Cronenberg himself who said people would be running from the film festival in the first 5 minutes. There is nothing really all that gruesome thanks to the odd special effects,  None of the gore is hyper realistic. 

Lea Seydoux pretty much steals the show. Kristen Stewart over acts instead of under acts. Viggo Mortensen delivers with the most demanding role of the film , but is less captivating on screen as Seydoux, who gives the kind of quiet urgency that works in Cronenberg's worlds.  The chemistry with all the actors  is not consistent and I expected things to be more stylized in terms of cinematography. Rather than watching this in one setting I split my viewing up in fifteen minute increments, the pacing was such that this made sense, I never felt compelled to keep watching it I just trudged through it once I stared determined to make it through. The weirdest part might be the deadly plastic candy bars.  

I appreciate what he did here. It is different from his other movies in less ways than it is the same. There needed to be more tension. I am not rooting for anyone in this movie. I am not sure I can tell you who the protagonist is either. I think this however is a strong point as this movie does not conform to Hollywood expectations. It also does not feel the need to pander to any demographic and it simply is what it is depending on what you have the stomach for. Not Cronenberg's best but even his middle tier is better than most.   

Film Review : "the Sadness"

I

n a world that is a grim as it is horror needs to step up its game to compete with reality. This movie was willing to do that, though the hype paints it as being more gruesome and creepier than it is. Yes, there is rape, but I think there could have been more and more graphic if this was truly a tribute to the comic booked Crossed.  Props for the way this was made as it was funded through Crypto and Cam girls, knowing that no studio would get behind this. Another odd piece of information about this movie is how the writer and Director Ron Jabbaz is actually a Canadian who is clearly a big fan of Aian gore movies, which is not a new thing. Asian gore is not a new thing, in fact it is so over the top it feels silly at times, though I do like this movies choice to always take things a step further. 

People who call this a zombie movie are not familiar with the comic book "Crossed" and in fact the movie lays out the science behind why this is taking place, as cannibalism does occur, but I would not say that is primary motivating factor. I think the fact that these are living humans that have been corrupted by this disease makes it even more dangerous because they have imaginations intact to take out their worst desires on others. I think this fact makes the end have more impact, if it was a zombie doing these things then it would be easier to comes to terms with. 

The post-apocalyptic feel of the city that is ravaged by this disease does give it that zombie feel. Funny enough it was also filmed in 28 days. So, 28 days later they had a movie. This is one of those movies who separates the just how extreme you want your horror. To dismiss it as being edgy, means you do not get the point and trying to write it off because you are a prude with no stomach for it. There is a balance it is important that this does not devolve into just gore for the sake of it, though at some times this movie tip toes the line between, the story as it is wins out and the depravity is enjoyable I hope this sparks the minds of powers that be to make an actual Crossed movie, though this movie works well with what they had at their disposal.

Film Review: " the Northman"

 Egger's third film which is being described as a historical epic, works better than his previous film 'the Lighthouse' but falls short of what he did with "the VVitch". Also historical might be a bit of a stretch, as myth is woven into his otherwise gritty revenge tale, along with mushroom trips and a chorus of foxes.  The dialogue which might be considered to be written a prose that aspires to be like the Eddas, can be a little stiff which at first translates to the acting, but once the film begins to flow, it moves with the icy intensity of fjords. While it is in fashion in metal and shows like "Vikings" to appropriate Scandinavian culture, this film has a little more taste in doing so though it's grasp of the mythology is a bit surface level. However, one thing they do get right to a greater extent is the Berserker culture. Either they did their homework, or they are primals.    

Anya Taylor Joy outshines Nicole Kidman by far, even after things take a turn. Eric Northman playing the Northman is ironic Skarsgard, works well in the role. While he is more cut than he was for "True Blood", I would not say he bulked up as much as the wardrobe department is on point and one of the film's strengths. Visual it is stunning everything from the scenic views of Iceland to the more intense surreal moments. The fight choreography on the other hand is awkward and not fluid jagged violent like the movie needed. Overall, the casting is great, but they better watch it and this movie might get banned, if someone notices there is not a single person of color in it, while this is historically more accurate kids today are not going to let something pesky as facts get in their way. Much less how the movie shows how slavery was part and parcel with the spoils of war. Something that every culture experienced . Another touch of history the film got right. 

Yes, Bjork is in the movie, but very briefly, if you are a Bjork fan, you will get about five minutes of her if that. It is dark and intense, but it does not capture the overwhelming bleakness of life during this time, like the VVitch did for its time period. There is less of a surreal wonderment clouding the story than the Lighthouse had, and the narrative stays pretty straight forward. It is not a horror movie buck angry and twisted enough to appeal to fans of the genre. There are a couple moments that are perhaps either a wink to the original Conan movie or heavily influenced by it Not a ton of solid Viking movies out there and this one does the long boats proud.  I would watch it again for sure.  

Film Review : "X"

 Spoiler alert "House of the Devil" is still my favorite TI West movie. His first horror movie in 9 years  works off the formula from the splatter films of the late 70s. The acting an character development is on par with your average Friday the 13th sequel, so unlikeable enough to hope they get killed. In this regard the movie gets it better than the last Texas Chainsaw Massacre that  Netflix released. The premise is a director leads a group of twenty somethings into bumfuck Texas to make Porn. From there all sorts of messages creep in regarding sex, but the real monster her is old age. The threat of youth and the repulsion the elderly carry.

The ambiguous nature of this movie until the shit hits the fan leaves much to the imagination until  everything unfolds. At first you think maybe the old lady is a witch. What she is in truth is the best actor of this movie. Kid Kudi's survival rate is about what you would expect from a black person in a horror movie, though he does not die first. For a van of people who came to have sex in the woods they destined to die by breaking the rules of horror movies. It is however the person who is most against sex when pressed to be open minded that dies first which is a spin on the normal morals. The gore effects are purposefully bad to looks like something from the 70s. 

Despite the gruesome deaths that unfold, including death by alligator, the most gruesome moment is the girl who has to climb out from under a bed old people are having sex in. This pushes the ageism theme home. The actors are made up to look more hideous that the normal panges of old age would bring upon them. Hopefully not the best horror movie we are going to see all year, it is not bad, and uses more restraint than not most of the time. Chelsea Wolfe does the music but aside the song at the end you can not really tell. If you have a thing for 70s splatter this is done better than most attempts to reboot it.