Film Review: ' the Munsters"

First let us consider what was the last movie Rob Zombie did that was worth a shit? Well "31" was entertaining, but not the greatest if we are not measuring it against other b-grade straight to video/ streaming standards. That would make "Halloween 2' the last movie really worth watching, and that is being generous. Up until this point at least his movies looked good and gave enough wink at Grindhouse horror to make it worthwhile.  With adapting the Munsters, you would think since one of his biggest radio hit songs was about their race car Dragula, that Zombie would protect the legacy of the television show in making, what amounts to a prequel. Instead, what we got was Zombie taking a piss on it with something that has the production quality of a Six-Flags Halloween commercial. There are yard props that you can buy at Spirit Halloween that looks better than what he made here. 

While I appreciate the lighting and the vivid colors, that is the only redeeming aspect of this garbage. Richard Brake is really the only actor who tried with his Vincent Price impersonation. Sheri Moon, acted like Elvira, who was ironically also in the movie but not acting like herself. Then the rest of the cast camped it up to the point beyond cheese making every interaction painfully awkward. When you go back and watch the original sitcom, it is clear Fred Gwynne was a closet queen, which was not uncommon with Hollywood actors back in 1964. But even then, his acting is far superior to anything that happens here. The script was cumbersome and seems like it was written by a child. Speaking of children how Eddie Munster was not included even as a bundle of fur, is a testament to how the pacing and plot were poorly mapped out. 

It is hard to really sum up my thoughts after watching something that bad. It was so bad it was funny in places where it was not trying too hard to be funny, much like one of Herman's stand-up routines. While those types of jokes were in the original show, they were delivered much better. Zombie should have taken notes from Tim Burton's reboot of "the Addams Family' as to how to take creative license and still pay proper respect for the source material. Instead, we got a piece of trash that I found myself having to endure rather than enjoy and makes me hope this is the last film Zombie is allowed by the studios to make.   

Review : 31

Rob Zombie's track records with movies has so far been hit or miss, with more in the win column. The main problem with the movie is in the screen play. There are some good ideas at work. Zombie works best when emulating the acid crazed world depicted in his band's old music videos. The over grown Riff Raff that is Death and the more Harley Quinn inspired Sex. I have heard complaints that you do not care for the characters because they are scum bags, and I think that this just plays off of the whole, don't have sex in woods moral that is behind most of the slasher films that are post- Psycho.  The antagonists in this movie are more of a problem than the victims and I think this is partially due to how they are written.

First we have the midget Nazi who is ironically Hispanic. That formula is funny, but is the aim of the movie be funny or scary? The chainsaw wielding clowns are alright and I like the girl mummified in the sex doll. It was at this point in the movie that it was clear they characters were just going to make the same don't go in basement mistakes conventionally horror movies are filled with. Going into this I hoped for more technicolored spectacle that Zombie is know for rather than the warehouse this was shot it. Sure it gave it grit, but I am not sure that it gave it the best ambiance as we have seen that type of environment already in the Saw movies and changing it up would have helped contrast it and set it aside as of right now Saw would be one of the movies this will get compared to.

The gore was almost Tokyo Gore Police at times. In many cases the violence was handled more tastefully than expected, there were many things that worked about this movie and the I was able to watch it all in one sitting with out getting bored says something too, I think Zombie should bring writers to help him. I would not call this movie torture porn as no actual torture occurs. I think it's a survival film that falls short of Battle Royal standards, but beats the hell out of the Hunger Games.

Lords of Salem

Well...I am without a doubt Rob Zombies target market for this film as occult themed horror is my favorite though this plays for and against me as a viewer. I can understand the slower pacing to create suspense, i think this was achieved to a greater level of effectiveness in House of the Devil. Rosemary's Baby is one of my all time favorite movies, and I can almost forgive the blatant rip off if there was more of a pay off. Granted I want to watch this again ...at least the end as I began dozing off during what was supposed to be the movies climax though I think I caught the fit of it it was all done of a Satanic carrot. I would think the witches would want to get more of a return for the work they put into this diabolical plot would want more than a carrot baby , though the perfectly fine baby they did get back I the baby they spit on so what was the end game you might wonder, other than a mass suicide for the women of Salem.

This Sheri Moon vehicle displayed a balance of her naked ass and acting chops, I would prefer her with a little more meet on her bones but I guess she is alright for what she has to work with. The junkie routine cold use a little fine tuning. The rest of the acting worked around dialogue that didn't seem like the sharp crude banter found in his other films. The perverse Priest dream seemed a little forced. The subtle moments worked the best the masked man taking his goat for a walk I think the creep factor is what this film could have stood to have played up.

If you have seen the posters with the corpse paint on the, , this movie has nothing to to with black metal, promos for leads you to believe it's like a remake of Trick or Treat and that's not the case at all. The Lords sound more like a Jarboe album. For the radio station to suddenly have a big ticket push for a Lords concert after only play a track of Ambient dissonance once doesn't make sense and even with a solid dose of suspension of disbelief in tow , there are still a lot of dots that don't connect.

What I liked about the movie, the cinematography was sometimes brilliant it the use of color in some of the shot to create a Kubrick feel at times. Here though it was stylistically all over the place. When this was done in House of a Thousand Corpses it worked as it created more of a Natural Born Killers feel, the movie was taking a more serious tone and would have made the more surreal visuals stand out more . The random goat appearances I like and think the goat alone would have worked better than the devil yeti or the turkey dwarf. The faceless men were ok and worked better than just showing us monsters. When the witches became more protective of the strung out Moon, I think it worked, this could have taken a creepier tone perhaps.

The movie was worth watching, I just feel that what I watched could have had more impact. He knows how to scare you so why are there no scares in this. There was eye candy sprinkled about, he knows how to dress a set for sure. It was a pretty movie for the most part a few slips in the fx dept, the turkey demon costume and the devil yeti, were both out of a 50's b film at best , which would have been fine if it fit the tone of the movie. The budget looks like it was taxed more in post-production. I applaud Zombie for indulging himself and making this movie which he clearly wanted to make as there was no appeasing the studios on this one. I do think that making a horror movie that just isn't scary doesn't make sense and if that's the intention them they should have gone in a more David Lynch or Croenberg route and been stale more often than not.

If you are bored and/ or stoned on a Saturday night and this comes on Cable it's worth a watch but not really even a trip to the theater because I don't want Hollywood to think that I am voting for horror that just isn't scary, in truth I was more afraid for the dog to get eaten by the wrinkled witch at the sink than any of the characters all were hindered by the rough dialogue for you to care about them as it was a collection of jerks and smug bitches. I'll give the ending a another watch and if the parts I slept through change my mind get back to you but im thinking they more than likely won't . Color this the disappointment of the year. I suppose while I'll check out the Purge Nurse is the next one I'm hoping for big things out of.